Itachi's Diary
by A Shadows Dream
Summary: Find out what happens when Sasuke finds and reads Itachi's diary. Made by 00mutianpaperclip00 and myself. Rating just in case.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto people, because if I did Sasuke would be dead, Sakura would be assassinated, there'd be so much yaoi it would be an adult cartoon and there'd be no general plot…besides yaoi and Sasuke bashing.

Warning: Sasuke bashing, drive bys, AND OOC-NESS TO THE EXTREME!

**Please Read: 00MutantPaperClipWarrior00 and myself made this story.**

**_This is my line a line a line a line!! My Precious LINE!!!!! Lines of DOOOOM!!!! A line a line a line. You're jealous..._**

Sasuke, being the nosy little brat he is, was snooping in Itachi's room one fine Monday July 7th. He came upon a book with a lock.

"Could this be?!" he wondered.

Oh yes Itachi's diary.

Now, according to morals people are supposed to value, you do not snoop in ones diary.

Good thing Sasuke didn't believe in such things.

"No keys." He commented.

He broke it open. It was a cheesy lock anyways. It deserved to be broken.

Inside were all Itachi's secrets.

Cue evil laugh from Sasuke.

Until he actually read it.

Imagine Sasuke reading out load in a British accent.

XXX

Dear Diary,

Today is Thursday, July 6th. I know this defies logic according to said date referred to earlier in this fic. Oh well.

Sasuke insisted that it was the 6th. Even thought my calendar clearly stated it was the 2nd of July.

Oh well.

Anyways. What I was really writing to you about was: Kisame and I went on another "date" today. (Sasuke still thinks were going shuffle boarding.)

P.S. What IS shuffle boarding?

Anyways, back to Kisame and me.

After a long and romantic walk while we looked into each other's eyes…

Okay now I'm lying. First we went to a movie. Movie sucked. Total chick-flick. Kisame cried for three quarters of it claiming "he had something in his eye". That was kinda cute.

Until some dude threw popcorn at us telling us to get a room. We left.

Went to the bar and had a couple drinks. That guy who threw popcorn at us was there too. We drunkly, beat the shit out of him.

We then proceeded to head home and –

XXX

Sasuke's eyes widened as he read the next sentence aloud.

"- IN SASUKE'S BED!?!"

He then proceeded to read about Itachi's explanations of all the other time he and Kisame had sex in Sasuke's bed. Saying how ironic it was that Sasuke never changed his sheets.

XXX

Sasuke pulled his head from the book as he heard footsteps from the hall.

It was as if the world had gone into slow motion. As the door slowly creaked open and Sasuke hid the book behind his back.

Itachi opened the door to see a very frantic Sasuke, hiding something.

"Sasuke, what are you doing in my room?"

"ITACHI! You're home early! Why!?" Sasuke practically screamed.

"My boss let me off early. What are you hiding?" Itachi explained.

"NOTTHING!" Sasuke twitched.

"Is…Is that my diary?!" Itachi exclaimed.

"No, whatever gave you that idea!?"

Itachi proceeded to lunge at Sasuke, grabbing the book and Sasuke squealing like a girl as Itachi sat on him.

"You will NEVER tell ANYONE about what is in here or 'bad things' will happen." Itachi said with a sinister grin.

"BAD THINGS!? BAD THINGS HAVE AREADY HAPPENED! IN MY ROOM, ON MY BED!!" Sasuke screamed as he escaped Itachi's 'death sit' and ran to burn all of his sheets.

"Ah, so he read THOSE pages."

"Oh no, what if he tells mom and dad! That'll ruin my plans!" Itachi spazzed.

Hr thought, 'I must scare Sasuke to keep my secrets. HMM, who do I know that scare the shit out of him.

…?

Ah, my wonderful friend Gaara.'

DUN DUN DUN.

After burning his sheets, Sasuke ran to Naruto's house. This is because he knows that if Naruto knows, everyone will know.

On his way he saw Naruto walking down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street.

"NARUTO!" Sasuke flailed as he ran across the street narrowly dodging a semi.

"Naruto! I read Itachi's diary!"

"What'd it say!?" Naruto screamed.

"It was about Itachi and-."

"Yeah?!"

X X X

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Someone picked up on the third ring.

"Hello, Gaara?!"

"Itachi…"

"Gaara, I need a favor."

"I'm listening."

"Okay, Sasuke read my diary and now has secrets that can not be spread. Do you think you could scar him into not saying anything?"

"I think I can manage."

Gaara hung up. Went to his room. Got his chains, and bling. Stole Temari's wallet. Walked to an old abandoned hotel with a shably looking door.

He knocked.

He kicked the door in.

Walking up to the gang leader, he looked at her with cold eyes.

"Gaara."

"Hinata."

"I need a fucin favor."

"Why the fuck should I do you a favor you Suna-gang bitch. Since when has Konoha-gang done you fuckin favors?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Because, you pathetic mother-fucker, if you don't the police are gonna find a sad looking mother fucking whore in the ditch tomorrow." Gaara threatened Hinata. "Also, I'll give you-," he looks in Tamar's wallet, "well since Temari's being cheap, 20 bucks."

"Fine, Bitch." Hinata agreed.

X X X

"-Itachi and-."

"Yeah?"

Right then a black mustang with tinted windows drove by and someone stuck a gun out the window.

Hinata shot Sasuke in the head. He died.

"SASUKW NO! DON'T DIE!" Sakura screeched. (A/n: When did Sakura get here? Mutantpaperclipworrior: I duno, now I guess.)

"NO Sasuke, you bastard, you can't die until you tell me what happened!" Naruto wailed.

Right then Gaara popped up.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"SASUKE'S DEAD!" Sakura screamed.

"And he didn't tell me what's in Itachi's diary!!!" Naruto complained.

Gaara took out his cell phone.

"Alright Itachi. He's dead."

"You killed him?"

"Actually the Konoha-gang killed him. I pit out the hit."

"I just wanted to SCARE him, not kill him!"

"Well, you should have clarified that, it's to late now."

Gaara hung up.

"Gaara, what are you doing here anyways?" Naruto asked, over the fact Sasuke was dead.

"No reason, but tell me, how many shots did it take to kill him?"

"One, in the head, why?"

"Oh, would ya look at the time; I've got to go pick up some thing for Kankuro, OVER THERE." Gaara pointed as he ran across the and into a random store.

Naruto and Sakura looked in silence.

The name of the shop Gaara just ran into was called: Kinky Sex Shop."

"Wow." They both chorused.

X X X X

A/N: So how did you like? Funny? Terrible?

TELL US!! Review

Okay, we wrote this at 2am and, I swear the sharpie is getting us hi, so we decided to write this.

WE WEREN'T REALLY ON DRUGS! DON'T DO DRUGS KIDS! THEY ARE EVIL!!

Another Fic will come after this one so watch out for it!


End file.
